It’s something braggarts have known for a long time, but now scientists have shown that it really does pay to be a loudmouth buffoon.Boffins at Fleet Street University, London, found that, when it comes to mating and weaponry, average men have nothing on bigmouthed braggadocios. The survey showed that braggarts are twice as likely as their peers to be armed to the teeth with knives and grenades, as well as having fantastic sex with lots of well fit chicks. According to the findings, boasters are able to keep going all night long, and are generally considered fantastic lovers.
They also know where to acquire a massive arsenal of deadly weapons, including any kind of guns or knives you care to prompt them about, and have been doing well hard drugs from a slightly younger age than even you dared imagine. Many have been doing such hard drugs for so long, that they’ve actually forgotten the effects of them.
Most alarming of all, egotistical blatherskites tend to be above average intelligence and are able to run rings around non-braggarts, both in the workplace and in the bedroom.
They can have you “any day,” the scientists say.
The survey of 35 000 self-obsessed gum-beaters and blowhards asked subjects where they ranked on a ‘dark triad’ of dangerously alluring traits.
“We were surprised at how highly they all rated themselves,” the poindexters revealed. “Interestingly, they also scored highly on personality tests for lying, telling fibs and telling great whoppers – although it’s not yet clear what use such skills would have for a charismatic machete-owning teen with the genital dimensions of a shire horse.”
Although the study was based entirely on local ‘yobbos’, “we just know that our results are universal across all cultures. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that.”
