A burglar has been asked to repay money he took from thousands of households in the Britain area and apologise for netting it in raids. Police told the 50 year old serial robber to please, please pay it back, or face even sterner reminders.But the thief, whom some have described as a “Director General among home invaders,” is reportedly sanguine.
“New technology has been introduced since the breaking and entering which means that the problem of my repeatedly coshing so many of you over the head and running off with your goods has been resolved,” he said. “This time almost certainly.”
He added that he did not know why new technology did not resolve the issue after previous incidents, but that that was “all behind us now.”
The burglar said: “The repeated attacks were clearly a mistake. It was a matter of serious misjudgement by a small fraction of my wishes and desires, and a serious failing in how I responded to them in relation to homeowners.
“These problems won’t continue into the future though, so I shouldn’t worry about it too much if I were you.”
In an email to mates, he described the situation as a “major laugh,” but insisted there was “no evidence” of any “impropriety or intention to profit” by the raids, noting that the £106 000 stolen represented only 1.3% of the approximately £8m he took in altogether during the relevant period.
“In fact, we’ve made real progress on that score,” the burglar observed, in the closest he came to an apology, “while delivering some spectacular creative successes and starting to make our vision of the future a reality.”
Police have threatened to “let the matter drop” if the self-aggrandisement goes on for too much longer.
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