British Uniform

(Thing of the past: it is hoped that the uniform will put a stop to class struggle.)

Trials for the new British Uniform are to go ahead today in Manchester despite wry looks from civil liberties groups.

The uniforms come in a wide variety of colours, including grey-1, grey-2 and navy blue, and cost £120 each, plus VAT.

The scheme is currently voluntary for British citizens, although foreign nationals are already required to wear the uniform at all times – waking and dreaming – and is expected to net the government up (or down) to ten million pounds. (Whether positive or negative ten million has yet to be announced.) If all goes well – and the press-releases have already been drafted suggesting that it will have done – the drab outfit will become law nationally in 2010.

“It’s crucial that you all do up your top button properly,” railed home secretary Jacqui Smith or Chris Grayling or whichever one its turn is to be Home Secretary today.

The other called it “neatness and tidiness gone mad,” although their own hands were “busy working overtime” under the desk, designing a special little hat to enforce when they get into office.