(Get back in your place! Workers cautioned not to think too far ahead.)Billionaire Jim Ratcliffe, Chairman, CEO and main shareholder of the third largest privately owned chemical firm in the world, has accused staff at Grangemouth Refinery, Scotland, of “playing God with me” for not accepting his offer of pension cuts for children and children’s children.
A spokes-wraith for INEOS, whose core values include empowering employees and excellence, added that the inconvenient show of fellow-feeling was tantamount to “terrorism of the worst kind,” declaring that the customer-focused company’s plan was to “close down Scotland” in the event of industrial action by the altruistic scum, as part of its commitment to total quality and reliability, and to “close down the economy of Scotland completely” to ensure complete customer satisfaction.
“We’ll see who wants to negotiate then,” the informative PR-Nazgûl hissed.
MPs too have admonished staff for their unwarranted foresight.
“I would accept pension cuts for future generations of MPs,” averred wealthy socialite, the Conservative leader David Cameron to a soirrée of reporters in the belvedere of his country mansion. “I don’t see why everyone else can’t be as flexible as me when it comes to helping billionaires.”
And Prime Minister Gordon Brown called the solidarity “unacceptable,” and “not modern. No, not modern at all,” although aides later excused the remarks, insisting that the high-flying premier was just trying to work off some pent-up agression caused by voting to up his own pay by 15%, but that he was really quite nice.
According to the BBC, Scotland has plenty of oil stores and will cope so long as drivers avoid panic buying. The BBC advised drivers to panic now before the pumps run dry.
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