(A diminutive, heavily camouflaged US marine attempts to live off the land, after coming under fire from sea-trolls in Iraq’s notorious Anbarfjord parish.)After much speculation, a triumphant President Bush announced his exit strategy for Iraq today: call it Iceland.
“Yip, we’s a-doned it!” hallooed the elated Commander-in-Chief boldly, firing into the air as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Them all lib’ril switch-tails can finish up their crawfishin’ an’ come on out their fraidy holes now, yessir, whoopee!”
Addressing troops from a distance, he added, “Spool your beds, boys. We all’s a-comin’ home.”
“The methodology has a proven track record,” elaborated Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. “We withdrew from Iceland in 2006, and no one seemed to notice that. Who’s going to pay it any mind if we just pull out of Iceland again?”
“Course, our first plan was always to invade Iran,” conceded Vice President Cheney. “I forget why; it was such a no-brainer, maybe there never was a grounds. But I love the desert. I love watching the tanks roll over it on TV. It’s part of my heritage. Sadly we can’t afford that now. The damn Chinese won’t let us open up a new front there, or anyplace else, dagnabbit, leastways not till we’ve paid them for the others. Damn Chinese.”
Iraqis, however, greeted the plan with mild perplexity.
“Americans, here?” said Iraqi trawlerman Guðmundur Guðmundssdóttir. “Curious...”
But Iraqi tourguide Helga Gnurr Ólafsson, who organises elf-hunts among the glaciers that cling precipitously to Iraq’s many volcanoes was not surprised at the low profile of the superpower’s vast mechanised army.
“After all, they are a quiet people who likes to keep themselves to themselves, for sure.”
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