(The crawl-stroke leg thrash: Britain’s Olympic swimmers practice their moves as they look forward to the completion of the country’s first actual pool.)Sport-dancer Jonathan Overman has lost his chance to boogie for Britain at the Olympic Games in Beijing after testing positive for a controlled substance: his own DNA.
The British Olympic Association has confirmed that the 22 year-old will not be going to China this summer due to his exploitation of the powerful performance-enhancing chemical. The offence is understood to extend from the dancer’s own parents back via slime-moulds to a set of primitive, unicellular self-replicators.
Dioxyribonucleic acid, a polymer with a backbone of sugars and phosphate groups, contains the genetic code for the growth and functioning of all known living organisms. It is controlled by governments through restrictions on sex and other recombinant techniques which nature has developed through Her scientists.
Overman was distraught to learn of the ban, insisting that he had done nothing wrong. But BOA President HRH The Princess Royal has little sympathy for the well-adapted terpsichorean’s dashed hopes.
“We have no tolerance for cheats. Overman’s grace and pizzazz are the blatant product of three billion years of natural selection, and his dogged determination to win was born of an aeons’ long struggle for survival on the part of his forebears. As such he has a distinct advantage over other athletes, who aren’t blessed with such fortuitous ancestry.
“Also, the smugness of this talented young man really gets on my wick.”
1 comment:
These vile drug cheats have no place in this country. All British people have a keen interest in athletics and they won't tolerate this kind of abuse of its rules.
I say send them to Beijing for re-education, then parade them around the stadium while they wallow in their shame.
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