Amid fears that the Jordanian mole who killed seven CIA agents in a suicide blast last week may have been a “much higher order of agent than even we suspected”, CIA operatives are to receive an anti-infiltration mnemonic for identifying traitors in the field.“It’s a very complex problem, knowing who to trust,” said Black Hat Spy, one of the world’s top spies. “Double and triple agents are dicey enough, but when you start getting into double figures it’s hard to keep track and, for a jaded spook, hard to even care.”
According to CIA spokesspy, Spy Z, “The breakthrough came when we realised that a quadruple agent was basically the same thing as a double agent, and a triple agent was essentially just an agent. After that it was simply a matter of encoding this insight in rhyme.
“Actually, most of spying boils down to rhymes.
“It goes something like: odd, thank God; even, best be leavin’,” said Spy Z. “Needless to say, those aren’t the actual words. They are Top Secret. But it’s something like that. Of course, this rhyme only works if you count loyalties starting from your own side. Therefore we have constructed a second rhyme for use when talking with respect to the enemy: even, I’m breathin’ (more easily); odd, oh sod... The trick is knowing which to use. I think spies should get the hang of it though.”
Not all spies are convinced. Yellow Dress Girl said the rhymes were “both silly” and that she will continue using her own secret method, “thank you very much.”
But The One Arm Spy is cautiously optimistic: “Latin is boring. That’s why many spies risk their lives by not learning to count to 540 in it. I think this new jingle is a boon, or a Godsend at the very least.”
