Dashing new Prime Minister David Cameron today quashed rumours of nuance in the world and refuted the ability of the human psyche to operate on more than one level at once.“We live in a word of absolute good and evil,” said Mr. Cameron. “Some things are good. Some things are bad. It’s as simple as that.
“Bad people do bad things. They’re not really people; they’re monsters. Good people do good things. We call them brave men and women. We should always hate monsters, and offer good people our guarded approval. I can’t understand how anyone could hail a monster as a hero, even by accident. Monsters are all cowards. If you sympathise with the anguish of a monster, you are probably a coward too.
“And what’s so thrilling about outlaws? Outlaws are boring. Especially those who target authority figures.
“I think if children read more of our Great British literature, they wouldn’t have to be told these things.”
When asked if he knew word multifaceted, he said yes, “But I don’t think it applies to things. There’s good and there’s bad. End of story.”
When asked which was best, he hesitated slightly before replying, “Good, of course.”
