(Supersize me! Very occasionally a superhead will go ‘bonkers’, swell up badly, and start haemorrhaging positivity all over the town.)Following the success of superheads at turning around all failing schools in Britain at least once on their main axis, the government is to extend the scheme to failing states.
If all goes well, and leader-writers are okay with it, the plan could see small minorities of “very effective people” incentivised with salaries of up to 12 orders of magnitude above that of their starving compatriots to “just stop them from failing so much.”
“Failure is an awful thing,” International Development Secretary Baroness Dame Cinderella Farden said. “Especially for a state. If we could entice someone articulate, who knows what the initials A.S.P.I.R.E. stand for, to get these wayward nations to dysfunction less, it would look absolutely scrummy on a CV. We might even win an award.”
A superperson must be someone who enjoys setting goals and can talk well about achievement. They will be expected to flood their country with positivity and trigger a literal avalanche of good results. The ideal superperson will also tackle behaviour quickly, “by whatever means necessary.”
“And there’s no need to worry about the long term,” Farden warned prospective saviours. “I can’t remember why not, but, for some reason, that’s just not important. Besides, superpeople can always move on to another homeland to be a bigshot in, if the first one doesn’t work out (or they find that they accidentally commit too many abuses there), thanks to the incentives.”
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