Food Crisis “Other People’s Fault”

A three-day emergency session of the UN, called in response to the worsening food crisis, ended in triumph today, with delegates reaching unprecedented agreement on where fault lay.

The presidents and generalissimos from every nation, creed and colour met in Rome to discuss space-rocketing living costs. Pundits had expected long-standing feuds to stymie them. However, even the bitterest of rivals were quick to cast their differences aside in the face of such urgent need.

Leaders were unanimous in laying the blame squarely on other people.

“It is global warming resulting from climate change – or climate change resulting from global warming,” declared Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe’s embattled ruler, “I forget which. But either way, other people have caused it. We must have the courage to say it.”

Israeli President Shimon Peres, custodian of the Middle East’s largest arsenal, concurred: “The world is short of food not bombs. Who has inflated the price of food? I put my money on the terrorists, or possibly the Iranians, but certainly – as my colleague says – it is other people. Let us not be afraid to say so.”

Many rulers, from Kim Jong Il to Gordon Brown, agreed that other people had not only caused but also exacerbated the problem, which has lead to widespread hunger.

“Solutions are beside the point,” the elderly men in expensive clothes said. “As world leaders, we rarely see eye to eye on anything, so shut up, ordinary folk, enjoy the occasion, and don’t ask so many fucking questions. Or else.”