Soldiers to Fight in the Nude to Raise Money for Victims

Soldiers of the Queen’s Royal 2nd Grenadiers and Gloucestershires will be fighting an entire battle starkers next week to raise money for victims of NATO bombing raids and light-hearted punishment beatings.

The battle, which is expected to commence at dawn next Tuesday, will be “one hell of a firefight,” said Sergeant Barry ‘Bazza’ Barrycentre.

“It’s gonna start with our boys being ambushed on patrol by Taliban insurgents,” he said, “and just go on from there, really. Several of us will be dying, and one man will have his ankles blow off. All in day’s work for the Gloucestershires, except that this time we’ll be engaging them totally in the buff.

“I en’t sure exactly how it works,” Sergeant ’Centre went on, “or where the money will come from: if it just appears on their bank statements, or what. I suppose we’ll find that out on the day. But it’s bound to come as a massive boon to some poor Afghan kid. That’s what makes it all worth while. The smiles on their faces. That and the disembowelling.”