By 2020, over 2/3 of Britons will be too stupid to breathe. That’s the stark truth coming out of a new research today.According to ‘data’, 80% of British men and 75% of British women will be total duffers by the third decade of the millennium, without the faintest idea of how to inhale or exhale.
“With no oxygen to power it,” scientists say, “the British heart will cease to pump. Britons will quickly lose consciousness and die.”
But others have slammed these guesstimates as deliriously optimistic. A team from Warwick University, composed of scientists and science-pundits, has produced a terrifying Venn diagram showing that a persistent diet of news-science will exacerbate the dim-wittedness, leaving Britons incapable of statistical reasoning.
“If current trends continue,” the pundits warned, “Britons will become oblivious to the flaws inherent in the projection of current trends indefinitely into the future without taking into account how variables affecting those trends may change. When that happens, as it inevitably must, Britons will be at our mercy.”
Britons refused to comment.
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