(Artist’s impression of the culprit: actual size.)In an unprecedented move, Queen Elizabeth II resigned today after a floppy disk containing 25 million honours was “lost” in post.
The disk, which contained 25 million knighthoods, baroncies and OBEs intended for next New Year’s Honours List, was reportedly lost in internal post travelling between wings of Buckingham Palace, and “could be anywhere now” according to palace sources.
“Ain’t no evidence that it’s fallen into criminal hands though,” Sir ‘Mad Dog’ O’Hare told journalists. “No evidence at all.”
“Shit, it probably just fell down the back of a Caravaggio,” said His Grace, Baronette Sir Ray ‘Crusher’ Cocker, OBE, MBE, esq., “or summink.”
The royal resignation is to take place next summer in Westminster Cathedral and will be attended by leaders from over a hundred countries. It is expected to cost the British tax payer (Dave Jabot) a billion pounds, including up to one pound sterling. As this is a ‘state’ resignation, the queen will not be relinquishing her title or salary.
“How so that be,” she announced in an emergency amendment to the Queen’s Speech, delivered to parliament during the early hours of this morning, “in view of the trauma, my government and I have decided to reimburse my person with two extra birthdays and a big diamond. This is also an act of job-creation, as it will take many urchins to grind it, and many dentists to fit them with new teeth afterwards.”
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