Prince Harry is to receive a warbot for Christmas. The titanium-shielded assault-walker is thought to have cost the British taxpayer almost as much as farmers, but is more stylish than them, and more deadly. The state-of-the-art, 500-metre-tall, radioactive killing-machine is the latest in a series of measures designed to soothe the prince’s rage at being left behind when his boys (the working-class soldiers he was given to play with) had to go to Iraq to die.The Ministry of Defence have invested 9.2 billion pounds over the last year developing the rampaging robot - whose armaments include neurocendiary rays, metropolis-obliterator missiles and smart-AIDS - plus a further 10 trillion on a designer drug, called UltraBlissTM (street name: scabs), to make the experience of piloting it more awesome. The drug is manufactured from paupers’ brain-pulp and the shattered dreams of migrants, according to M.O.D. sources.
“Harry’s a lovely lad, but he has a low boredom threshold (or, if the boredom is conceived of as coming in from the top, a high one),” said royal scientists Jhon D. Kool and Sentience Hiccough. “He’s balanced on a knife-edge at the moment. The slightest thing could set him off. The British public have been very understanding, giving generously to the Blue Peter ‘Whores for Harry’ appeal, which raised over 38 concubines for the fractious fourth-in-liner, including twin ‘wedding-gorillas’ and a necrodom, and he’s been drinking heavily. But there’s only so much pleasure that bad love and ethanol can bring. If we don’t find a better pastime for him soon, he could go ballistic!”
“And the money isn’t wasted either,” Hiccough added. “In years to come, the bot will be a mecha for tourists.”
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