Child Soldier with Reading Age of 100 “Still Fit for Purpose”

(Before training it could have been as much as 200, by some estimates...)

The MOD has defended its deployment of a child soldier in Afghanistan’s notorious Helmand Province, in the face of mounting accusations that the astute minor bore the brunt of intellectual duties for the division.

The child, who has not been named in spite of a barrage of baptisms and no less that three separate attempts at nicknaming, was passed as fit after aptitude tests proved it a reading centenarian.

“Paradoxically, this infant, with its phenomenal IQ, is more competent by far than we are to prosecute this war,” said Brigadier Major Sir General Dennis Raffles. “Could we but understand what it is trying to tell us with its moans of speechless horror and the tugging at our sleeves as we leave for battle, or to eradicate local agriculture, why then we would be cooking!”