Elephants Mungo and Dionysius, from Ngorongoro Conservation Area, Tanzania, are to strike each other repeatedly about the cheeks and foreheads tonight in London’s Royal Albert Hall in an effort to raise awareness.Tickets for the pachyderm punch-up, the aim of which is to raise awareness of something, have already sold out three times over, and rumour is rife that the brawl of the big-uns will be a close fought contest.
“When the gentle giants announced their plan to pummel each other in public, I was flabbergasted,” said promoter Brian Possilippo-Philippus. “They communicated their wish to me through the medium of watercolour, gently prodded by a specialist in elephant needs. Gazing deep into their large, sad eyes, I asked them if there was any other way to get their message across. But they said no. There was no other way. The watercolours were unambiguous.”
But not everyone is pleased about the tusk tussle. One Earth activist Mittenglove Clitheroe called it a bleeding disgrace: “I couldn’t get tickets, not no how.”
And Prince William objected, very politely, to the fact that all members of the rage-fuelled species did not belong to him to ride about as he pleased, issuing helpful orders to people on the ground.
Nevertheless pundits predict the event will be a smash hit among sports fans and a delightful spectacle for nature lovers. Although it is not yet known just what the jumbo joust is intended to raise awareness of, sponsors say that we will almost certainly be the better for it, as a world.
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