(I’m a buzzard, get me out of here.)The government’s keynote strategy for the environment was in disarray this morning after a leading buzzard called for its own extinction.
The graceful scavenger, who cannot be named for fear of poachers, pledged its unending hatred towards ecologists and buzzard fans.
“I’d rather see my entire species exterminated than live another sun-around the British ecosystem,” the endangered raptor said.
The bird-of-prey, which was reintroduced into Britain last year from Siberia, added that, what with costs space-rocketing and Graham Norton back on our screens for yet another knockout amateur singing extravaganza, it wishes it were there now.
“At least I have my memories,” it told watchers. “What it must be like for indigenous species, I shudder to think.”
Environment Secretary Bestine Sloppur dismissed the cries as those of a disgruntled runt, and conservation groups urged the buzzard to “give it time.”
But the predator was insistent.
“Put me in a crate and ship me back to Novisibirsk, or strangle me in my sleep – I don’t care. Just get me out of here!”
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