Today sees the launch of a unique scheme to help terrorists “get it out their system” by training with the Royal Air Force.According to Defence Secretary Shatseput Soubriquet, radicalised youths from all over the world will be training alongside some of the best in the business.
“Terror CadetsTM is a way to give something back,” she said.
“It’s a perfect opportunity for the dedicated fanatic in search of a challenge,” elaborated Air Commodore Martin le Good. “The fierce lads will get some priceless hands-on experience flying a range of aircraft, from the Tornado GR4 and Harrier GR7 in strike and close air support roles, to reconnaissance in our aging fleet of Nimrods. Hopefully they’ll learn to stay within the bounds of the law when conducting their sprees, and moreover commit them safely abroad, where such acts are not so heinous.”
“Agreed,” snapped Siamese Group Captains Primrose Vesperdict and Kursiphron Talents loudly. “There will also be opportunities for travel.”
“And if it doesn’t work out,” shrugged Flying Officer Knap Sconce, “well, then I don’t know what.”
Terrorists will need to demonstrate commitment to one or more violent creeds and be absolutely unflinching in their hatred of passers-by to qualify.
Some critics have questioned the use of Storm Shadow missiles and laser guided bombs on the very first day, while others queried the effectiveness self-regulation as a deterrent against ‘flights of fancy’ (i.e. unauthorised raids), but all concur that it will probably work out “just fine.”
Early results, according to MOD sources, are smashing, and the plan has drawn guarded praise from extremists themselves.
“They push you hard, bro,” said former assassin Agar Jelidi. “But at least it keeps you off the streets.”
The positive vibe was shared by fellow student Atif as-Salami.
“Without this scheme, I’d be an mega menace!”
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