Abrasive capitalist Sir Alan Sugar is to host a charity version of his hit programme The Apprentice. Sir Alan’s new show will give children orphaned by the Asian tsunami a chance to compete for the honour of working for Sir Alan in Sir Alan’s Sarawak-based filth mine.“I believe it will be an absolute blockbuster,” Sugar said.
Sir Alan, 60, who advises the government on where to tell workers to stick their need for a livelihood, said he would not be cowed by the traumatised infants.
“There are no rules in The Apprentice. See how clever I am?” he said. “If they don’t like it, they can **** [fuck] off.”
The show has already attracted controversy. In a trailer last week, Sir Alan seemed to call one little girl a “ne’er sated scrap-pile,” then nutted passers-by for skiving.
“I wouldn’t have minded,” said pedestrian Manjalara Dewi, who required 17 stitches and hard threats to let the matter drop, “but I’m not even in the programme.”
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