Women must cast aside jilbab and khumoor and dress more risquély, radical cleric Agar Jelidi has ruled. According to the aged hermit, the demure garb of Muslim women is “just too much”.“Increasingly we find ourselves fetishising the hijab. The fantasies men project onto such garments are excessive, and often a source of more corruption than the flesh of the wicked gender itself. Of course, this is only natural, since this raiment is the prime denoter of Satan’s sex in our society, and since the evil ones are full of wiles, praise be to Allah! As well as being highly sensuous objects in and of themselves, with their black, silky denier and Arabian Nights allure of the exotic, the burqa and the niqab encourage the corrupting dreams that come in the night, and on bumpy buses, and sometimes afflict even God’s appointed arbiters.
“Also,” Jelidi stated in his fatwa, “there is the danger that, with limited visual cues, men are forced to concentrate on women’s personalities and the wise things they say; many women have quite attractive personalities, and some are a fount of wisdom, such is the accursed power with which the Avenging Lord of Mercy of has imbued them.
“Indeed,” the uncompromising cleric told reporters, “even as I speak of the jilboob, the jirbil and the baobab, their lustrous texture is stirring the excitement that leads to perdition in my loins, and the corrupting power of female notions is giving me food for thought.
“We must also think of our young men, who are foolish because of their youth, and even more vulnerable to sin. To them I say: yes, a woman can cause your heartbeat to quicken, and your blood pressure to rise, yea, even produce a short-lasting buzz, but is it worth it? For the consequences of sin are panic attacks, depression, memory-loss and eternal damnation.”
Jelidi has received widespread support from fellow clerics for his landmark expostulation, and polite silence from neighbouring hermits, Lamas Lizzie Lobsang and Dzogchen Trilbi Rimpoche of Cave 9.
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