Thursday 20 March 2008

Tributes for Home Secretary as Deported Woman Dies

(Boo hoo: Speculation is rife that the government’s next project will be ‘something done to babies’, after a memo leaked to the BBC was found to consist entirely of crude sketches of weeping infants.)

LONDON: Tributes continue to swamp in for UK Home Secretary Jacqui Smith following the death yesterday of a very poorly woman deported from a Cardiff hospital in January.

Ama Sumani, 39, needed thalidomide to stay alive, but the drug is not available in her native Ghana.

“It was a tough decision; you are an astoundingly brave lady,” said Foreign Secretary David Milliways.

“It must have been an agonising decision to deport Ms. Sumani,” opposition leader Gordon Cameron told a triumphant House of Commons, “but Jacqui stuck to her guns and now we can all reap the rewards. Whatever they may be.”

Millionaire the Queen added her compliments, speaking of her deep satisfaction on learning of the mother of two’s demise in Accra yesterday, and hinting that Ms. Smith might receive an unprecedented double knighthood in her next New Year’s Honours’ List, together with up to 30 OBEs, for her insistence on the cancer sufferer’s removal.

She was joined in her praise for the Home Secretary by the spectre of SS-Obergruppenführer Reinhard Heydrich, who was granted a brief leave of absence from Aryan hell to acknowledge the British minister’s courage.

“Also, es hat endlich geklappt. Bravo, gut gemacht! Ich gratuliere Sie,” he moaned approvingly, among other sweet nothings, before his visa also expired.

“We are delighted with the outcome,” was the simple and moving comment of ordinary, nice people Mary Powell, Swansea, and Richard Round, Cardiff. “We don’t know why.”

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