LONDON: One hundred of the best-behaved teenagers in England and Wales are to receive compulsory “free thinking” lessons, according to a new initiative launched today on Prime Minister Gordon Camberwick’s Wikipedia homepage, to combat what some are calling the “conformity time bomb”.The move comes in the wake of a survey showing British youngsters to be some of the worst in the E.U. when it comes to thinking and acting for themselves. In fact, British students ranked below every nation in Europe except for Germany and Vatican City.
“The epidemic of compliance is a worrying sign,” said eccentric mentor, and poor man’s Yoda, Dungeon Master from the animated series Dungeons & Dragons. “For a government committed to identity cards, it is essential the coming generation have at least some identity to start with, preferably one of the ten base classes permitted by the Player’s Handbook.”
The growing home-grown homogenisation is thought to result from barely contained hysteria, brought about by reports such as this one.
“We now know, as scientists, that this is not good,” said scientist Mazy Raintree. “I myself was once done for scrumping designer T-shirts from Top Shop to pay for a science-book addition, and I now look back on those days with fond nostalgia.”
“Yes,” said pundit Linus Axiom.
“It’s clearly a worrying development,” said Simon Constantine, now 40, whose 13-year-old self appears daily on BBC footage of a boy throwing a brick through the window of an empty car. “I wouldn’t like to be in my own shoes if I was one of those selected.”
But opposition leader David Brown has poured cold tea on the scheme, saying that the British tax payer (Jenny Howard) would have to pick up the pieces when future changes in mores invalidate the currently sound principles it is based on.
No comments:
Post a Comment