Giant Diversion

Scientists have published plans for diverting a brazen giant that could collide with Britain, killing millions, thirty years from now.

The 111 foot tall ogre is expected to wade within two nautical miles of the English coast in 2036 when she will be visible from Cornwall, weather permitting. But financial imperatives could bring her dangerously close to our shores.

The robed colossus, which has been rampaging around the world for some years now, stressing people out by stomping on them - sometimes so badly that unfortunately they pass away beneath her 200 tonnes of stainless steel and copper - is easily identifiable by her classical appearance: green skin, seven-pronged crown, and the flaming golden torch she holds aloft.

“The risk of a collision is vanishingly small,” said chief scientist Ollie Synch, “but we’d be wise to take precautions while there’s still time. If we leave it too late, only a nuclear blast could drive her off course!”

The marauding creature is believed to be French in origin, though latterly resident in the United States. According to scientists, her main prey is tired people, poor people and huddled masses. She is currently controlled by supervillains from a series of lairs.