(Date with detonation: last known image of the Snapes on their way to that fateful picnic, from CIA spybots hidden - by sheer coincidence - in all of the elderberries that lined their route.)Terror deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri has acceded to demands that Al-Qaeda take back its latest move in the War on Terror because security forces “weren’t ready yet.”
The beheading of Lucy Snapes and daughter Nell at a family picnic last June, followed by the brutal detonation their two golden retrievers, Happy and Slappy, was widely regard as Al-Qaeda’s finest move, combining shock with the element of surprise (the so called ‘uh?’-factor), “but,” said al-Zawahiri, “there is no pleasure in an unfair victory over the forces of secularism. If the twin Satans of US Imperialism and random people were unprepared for the swiftness of divine justice that day, then fine. Next time they will have no excuse.”
The desiccated remains of Ms Snapes and her daughter are to be sewn up by Al-Qaeda scientists and reanimated next Tuesday at a private ceremony, while the dogs will be assembled by some of Al-Qaeda’s top dog-scientists just as soon as all dog fragments are recovered. The terrorist network is appealing to ramblers who may have picked any up on their boots to come forward as soon as possible so Tuesday’s event goes alright and no mutant semi-dogs are produced.
Security sources told reporters they were satisfied with the decision and assured the public that they are now “well ready. Although, of course, nothing can prevent another attack.”
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