Druids Admit to “Dossing About” at Rite

Two government druids were in custody today after admitting that they “dossed about” at a crucial ceremony, accidentally calling down a force of evil.

Druids Rhiannon Gathen and Simon Light expressed increasing remorse as the evil, which is thought to be pure evil, showed no signs of lifting: “We normally perform our rites with the utmost respect for the forces of nature,” asserted Rhiannon, a more senior ‘white birch’ druid, “but on this occasion, we took to dossing about instead.”

The inept adepts were spotted by sightseers cavorting near a trilithon when they should have been welcoming in the summer at the druidical temple of Stonehenge in Wiltshire, one of a sequence of rituals the priestly pair conduct each year, as a precaution, for the Ministry of Defense. Before they knew it, Britain’s most ancient sacred site was enveloped in a malign force of unspecified nature. The force is still there, over three months on, but has not done anything yet, as far as anyone can tell.

“We haven’t noticed anything especially bad,” shrugged local butchers, the conjoined Old Sarum husband-and-wife-and- husband-and-husband-and-wife-and-husband sextuplets Andy, Mandy, Randy, Gandhi, Sandy and Andy II Palpatine, “but whether life would have been less horrible otherwise? We can only wonder.”

According to experts, it may be that the force is a force of such pure evil that it is simply too abstract to interact with matter. But visitors to the 5000 year old monument are cautioned to be extra vigilant this year just in case it can.