In a strongly worded statement, Children’s Minister Nathan Mind has defended his decision to squirt four infants at Tuesday’s Wellbridge Flower Show with nerve toxins.The attack, which parents say came “out of the blue”, occurred just outside of Sadako Campbell’s celebrated Zen water garden, within sight of the lily pond. According to eyewitnesses, the three girls and a boy were ostensibly minding their own business when they were gassed by the burly father of four.
But the minister was adamant today that his assault was necessary and would commit it again, given half a chance. “Were it not for our party’s tough decision to go ahead with such undertakings,” he told the Commons Select Committee on Unconscionable Affairs, “we run a serious risk that extremists might do exactly the same. It would be a sad day for this country if our attack had been perpetrated by radicals - it may even have constituted a hate crime! I also believe very strongly that indiscriminate violence is an issue that mainstream politicians need to address before it is too late. Otherwise we leave the floor open to bigots of the worst kind.”
The children, who were rushed to Great Bedlam Hospital with stigmata and breathing difficulties, are believed to be in a stable condition tonight. Doctors have said they expect the youngsters to make a full recovery, although there is a slight risk that some may develop a wisdom beyond their tender years.
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