Government sources this morning are refusing to deny the existence of a flotilla of secret anti-terror bills, rumoured to have come into force at midnight. According to a leaked Downing Street memo headed “note to self”, the mystery measures - a first in English Law - are to be supplied on demand to legal practices and licensed anti-terror officers, but will not be made available to the public due to security concerns.“Flaws in laws,” admitted one source, “so called ‘law-flaws’, have been exploited time and again by clever terrorists determined to pervert or, in extreme cases, invert the courses of justice.”
The clandestine legislation is believed to be encrypted using a mixture of Medieval Latin, Old Norman French and an enigmatic form of English developed specially for the purpose. It is expected to comprise the vanguard to a vast and ever-expanding array of new, and largely unknown, decrees which lawyers hope will make for a more efficient legal system.
Although there has been no official announcement on what the alleged rules, if they exist, are supposed to accomplish, experts point to fears of a law crash during the 2012 London Olympics, and the government’s desire to stop English citizens from switching to Roman, Scottish or (if worst comes to worst) Firefox Law.
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