Monster Appeal

(Do Not Approach: psychic CCTV image of the Monster wading through the fabric of reality in the early hours of Sunday morning.)

Police are appealing for the Monster that escaped from London’s Paddington Police Station last night to give itself up with no questions asked. The Monster, which is composed of dead body parts and the forces of nature, is as fierce as a hornet, and as cunning as a naughty human girl or boy. The Monster is described as five foot ten, Asian / Caucasian / Black / Other, with piercing pink eyes and a heart made from nuclear waste. According to Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Cygnus Busby-Babes, the Monster is extremely angry and should, “under no circumstances be approached or toyed with. It has a radioactive bite and can follow into dreams. Members of the public are advised, if they see it, to cower.”

However, the Commissioner rejected absolutely claims that a clique of twelve drunken sergeants had inadvertently “unleashed” the Monster while trying to incentivise terror suspects to confess with it: “The Monster is there for administrative purposes only, and has never played an active role in front line policing.”

It is not known whether the Monster’s heart is capable of feeling the human emotion of love, but Sir Cygnus has called the possibility, “like most things about this Monster, highly improbable.”