Police to Acquire Special Powers

As part of the government’s controversial new anti-terror legislation, police in twelve counties are to acquire special powers this week. The powers, which will include clairvoyance and the ability to regenerate bitten-off limbs, are the latest attempt to get to grips with a terrorist onslaught that has claimed almost as many lives as measures designed to stop it.

But civil rights groups worry that the powers could be used against perfectly peaceful persons, fears seemingly confirmed last Friday when London’s The Newspaper printed excerpts from a leaked report detailing plans by the Metropolitan police to use fire-breathing on litter louts, and their newly acquired powers of insight to come to terms with the capital’s many-faceted drug culture.