Specially trained anti-terror officers, selected from among the very laziest members of the force, will be ‘drifting off’ today in a bid to investigate a terrorist attack that cost the lives of ten faceless ‘carnesians’ and a lizard-cat, as well as causing the officers’ teeth to fall out.The detonation was silent with an iridescent shockwave that expanded at walking pace and is dreamt to have melted the London Eye. The colossal disembodied eye was reduced to cream by the explosion which also tore open the reptilian moggy to reveal a working lightbulb and a human breast. Bystanders were simply undressed by the blast. Police have been drifting in and out of sleep through the early hours in search of clues.
But it isn’t easy, say the legal lethargios. It seems the languid lawmen are finding it increasingly hard to “get back off.” Explained night-terror officer Gen of Eve: “All the excitement of the case just keeps rousing us.”
“We did find a handwritten note,” divulged PC Admiral Stocking, another of the sleepy sleuths, “at one stage in the investigation, inside of the cat’s stomach, but the letters kept morphing. The ascenders and descenders were all over the place. Later the page was blank. It’s more like a big jelly now.”
“Only it’s got hairs on it,” added colleague PC Uncle’s Hilliard, “and mutters.”
It is not known who - or what - ‘carnesians’ are, although analysts believe that they may represent alienation.
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