(Left: Cheney breaks the news to dignitaries in his private lair.)US authorities have announced the shocking discovery of a terrorist at Guantánamo Bay detention camp: “This is the last place we expected one to hide,” said US Defense Secretary Dick Cheney. “If we can find a terrorist in Gitmo, they could be anywhere!”
Since its inception over 230 years ago in response to the Al-Qaeda threat, US authorities had come to despair of results at the camp, but were too embarrassed to release more than a handful of prisoners: “With widespread use of specially approved incentives that do not amount to torture,” clarifies military interrogator Major Daniel Zwavelzuur, “almost all of the 70 000 plus inmates have confessed to being a terrorist at one time or another. But knowing if any were telling the truth is another matter. It’s typical bad-guy obfuscation.”
The terrorist, whose name has not been revealed yet for security reasons, is thought to be held on level 110b of the underground detention complex.
“That’s a wing reserved for suspects who have slipped into a coma to escape justice,” Major Zwavelzuur explains.
“I’m afraid we can’t release details of his offence at this time,” said Cheney, speaking at a rotary club dinner recently, “but I can say that it was an act of extreme psychological terror, perpetrated shortly after the tenth anniversary of his capture.”
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