A Berkshire man was furious today, although it is not known why. The fury, which began soon after he got up, and rose to a crescendo during his morning cup of tea, has attracted a flurry of speculation from pundits.“I don’t know what’s caused it,” the man told reporters who must have somehow wandered into his front room earlier. “It just feels like I’m literally hopping mad.”
Local MP Quentin Talbot suggested that it might be something to do with taxes, “or would it help to have less tax for the super rich?”
“No, it’s not that,” said the man, his ears steaming.
Others thought it might be hospital closures, but the man assured them otherwise: “It’s true I am concerned about our local maternity ward. But not incensed.”
London’s The Newspaper laid the blame squarely on vulnerable people on the fringes of society and proposed that the man might be afraid of Britons becoming a ‘soft touch’ with them. But the man wasn’t convinced.
Sociologists at Keel University could have sworn that it was anomie. But he just shrugged.
“One thing’s for sure though,” he seethed, “I’m not going to take much more of this, whatever it is.”
The man’s partner Louise says she is 360% behind him: “It’s all a bit baffling at the moment,” she conceded, “but once we find out, there’ll be hell to pay.”
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