Horror at Fair!

This year’s Limbstock Fair went ahead without a hitch today despite fears that the event might be a target for terrorists. But “a full-blown terrorist assault,” which did not take place, “could have been catastrophic,” according to media sources.

“A few well placed bombs had the potential to wreak havoc,” warned a special edition of The Limbstock Jupiter, “if there’d been any.”

“The horror is overwhelming,” wallowed guest editor Sir Osama bin Laden in London’s The Daily Newspaper, “driving out all right sense. It’s an awful tragedy and one that will leave deep scars on the nation’s psyche. What’s more: had it occurred, it would have been even worse.”

“It would have been the government’s own fault,” concurred The Pneuby Advertiser on what proved to be a day of sun and rain. Danny Knap won a teddy. His best mate Maz had to hide from a bee, for a time. Amelie Pulsar cried when she dropped her ice-cream, but cheered up at the Shove Halfpenny when she saw some silly boys’ antics.

“Obviously we’d have been a bit devastated,” mum Sandra told reporters eager for her take on the atrocity, “but I suppose we’d have managed as best we could.”

News crews are still struggling to come to terms with the lack of loss of life.

Limbstock Facts:

• Limbstock is a market town that has not exploded.
• The rolling hills of Limbstock are a Mecca for holidaymakers.
• The Number 1 activity in the Limbstock Hills is walking, followed closely by sitting down.