Bush “Cautiously Optimistic” as Death-Toll Falls

(Kill more for us: future generations urge the president on to greater acts of barbarity in his dreams.)

WASHINGTON: Advocates of the War in Iraq were jubilant this week as US troop-deaths fell for the first time since the conflict began.

The official number of war-dead had risen steadily till Sunday last, when it suddenly levelled off at just over 4000, then took an unprecedented dip, before being taken out of the public domain for security reasons.

US Defense Secretary Dick Cheney is said to be “over the moon” with the statistic, and to have awarded himself up to seven celebratory awards, whose exact nature could not be specified due to security concerns.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice rejected claims that the fall was just a blip, and guffawed derisively at rumours that it was something to do with the White House's chaotic filing system.

Meanwhile President Bush has greeted the news with cautious optimism.

“Calls for a real ole fandango, ’s what,” he said. “Why, we’s puttin’ the calk to ’em now, surely are. Ain’t that so? I figure they’s fixin’ to holler calf-rope purty durn soon, you ask me. No, sir, we do not, at this time, know what’s causing the fall. Bonus of the Surge, most like. Only thing you folks needs to know is: that big ole die-up’s done finished now, yup.”

White House aids added that that although secret now, it can be safely assumed that the figure will continue to drop indefinitely.

By pure coincidence, Friedman's Index, the official indicator of US economic growth, which had been plummeting for months, shot up to 4000 points the day troop-deaths fell, and has been rising steadily ever since.